A few weeks ago I was on a blissful vacation…that wasn’t always so blissful. Moments of relaxation and joy were infused with other moments…of irritated glances and heavy sighs.
It happened because I had to do a lot of waiting….in line at the bus station, for food at the airport. Everywhere I went it seemed things were getting in the way of getting to the good stuff.
(Actual photos from the trip…and the actual lines. See what I mean?)
It even happened during a stop in Spain, at one of my all-time favorite places: Starbucks. The line was just SO long, and I had SO many great things to see as soon as I could get to them. As soon as I was done waiting.
You know how it goes because it happens to you, too.
We wait all the time. We wait for the light to turn green…we wait for our meal to arrive at lunch…we wait for the person in front of us at the supermarket to carefully write a check.
And we wait for other, bigger things too:
- We wait for the day when we finally make enough money to feel secure
- We wait for the big promotion that will get us the title we deserve
- We wait for our kids to go to college so we can move to a new area
Waiting feels normal. So we accept it as best we can and we tell ourselves that this is just the way life is, that sometimes we just need to wait to get to the good stuff.
But let’s think about what this mentality really means.
When we wait for the good stuff to happen in the future – whether it’s for the light to turn green or the job to get better – what we’re really saying is that the good stuff is not happening now. It’s not good enough. And sooner or later, at another time, things will get better.
While this gives us solace, when we really think about it it’s a pretty terrible way to live and work.
Life is really just a whole bunch of “right now” moments strung together. If this moment is not what we want, and we constantly find ourselves waiting for a better future – minutes or years from now – then we’re really just accepting our own unhappiness all the time.
And what happens in that future?
We get the green light but then hit another red around the corner. We get that promotion and then we realize we need even more money to really feel secure. We get to move but then realize the new place…needs some work.
And so the cycle continues. And we’re never happy, or as happy as we could be. Great leaders and joyful people know this, and I’ve watched them make the very most of each moment before it passes them by.
Does this mean we should forget about the future? That we should avoid setting goals or striving for even greater things ahead? Of course not.
If all we do is hang tightly on to a future moment and forget that this moment right now is life passing us by, then we’ll never have the sense of peace, accomplishment and happiness that we could have.
So how do we turn the waiting game into something else…into a way of balancing our dreams for the future while making the most of the present?
A few steps:
- When we’re waiting for something small, like a light to change or our turn at the register, we look around and take everything in – the sounds, people and color – and we realize that this moment is different than any other, so we’d better appreciate it. And then we do.
- When we’re impatiently looking to a future moment, we realize we’ve got a lot to be grateful for now – and we force ourselves to remember at least one of them. And then we do.*
- When we’re experiencing a particularly painful moment, we decide to use our power to either take action now or to accept our present situation fully and find some peace. And then we do.
- When we look to a bright future, we remind ourselves that whatever comes next will simply be added on to what we’ve got now…so we’d better make the most of it. And then we do.
(*A great tip for #2? Start with the thought “Well, at least…” I did this when two kids were screaming behind me on a line, and I thought “Well, at least they’re not mine.” Worked like a charm.)
It’s easier said than done, yes? I know because there are times when I work on this and I want to tell myself to shut up. And sometimes the pain of the present is so great that we just need to focus on a better future.
And that’s all fine and normal. But, we can still work on it.
That’s why I decided to give it a try while I was in Spain…when I focused less on the long line at Starbucks and more on the beautiful sights, people and language around me. I was in Spain after all!
Oh, and I also remembered to feel grateful…that I was able to find my favorite coffee shop so far from home in the first place.
Recognize how you spend time waiting for the small and big things in your life to get better – and how it makes your present moment less happy.
Remember to focus on what you’ve got right now. Look around and take it in.
Find some gratitude for what you’ve got, and for the power you can use to take action.
Then celebrate yourself for making things good enough right now. And feel happier for it.
Now go do good…and do it well.
8 thoughts on “Why Things Are Never Good Enough For You”
I agree and love this post…learned this lesson in my 30s. Enjoy the now because it is life. And it passes by so quickly. This is the journey and it’s worth the ups and downs.. Personally, professionally, emotionally, spiritually!
Thanks for your reply, Lisa – I’m glad the post resonated with you. Sounds like you’ve got this lesson down!
Thanks for the great article! Recently, after caregiving for 15 years, I finally embraced/understand my mom’s signature phrase “this too shall pass”. And mostly I had applied it to the negative and challenging in life. Now I realize it applies to the positive and amazing of life too. no wonder my mom lived every second as it was a first & last, and she was a warrior getting through multiple illnesses, hospital stays and treatments, because she believed “this too shall pass”. no wonder she enjoyed every breeze of fresh air, laughter, chocolate chip cookies and hugs as if it was her first & last. Reminders that life is the accumulation of moments that all “pass”.
Amanda, I so appreciate your thoughtful comments, and your lovely sentiments about your Mom. Thank you so much for sharing the lessons learned from her!
D: Thanks so much for this. Really resonated with me. My 83-year old mother, who is currently visiting with me, spends much of her time talking about how nothing today is the same as it used to be – the taste of a banana, the way children behave, service at the bank – the list is long and useless. I remind my mother that indeed things are not the same and thank God for that! After all, today we have an African American President. That gets her every time because she looves, Barack Obama. The point is that while some people are waiting for good things to happen, you can be equally stuck reminiscing about the way things were. It really is about the beauty of the now because soon, today will be what used to be.
Excellent point Felicia…Appreciating the present moment is just as much about steering clear of obsessing about (or glorifying) the past as it is about obsessing about the future. Best of luck staying present during the big visit!
Thank you Deirdre for the wonderful insight. I have a difficult time with worry about the future which can rob me of the present moment but now I’m aware of it. I learned that life is a journey not a destination and that helps me stay in the moment. And what I worry about usually does not happen.
Great comments – and so true! I think for the most part, the things we worry about really don’t happen…and what does happen are things we never even thought to worry about! Appreciate your giving it a read!